you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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