the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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