i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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