your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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