So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize