Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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