I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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