WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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