I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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