i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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