He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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