just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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