His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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