Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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