My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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