Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize