so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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