I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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