You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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