threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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