Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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