there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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