I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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