If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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