Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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