i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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