Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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