I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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