Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize