i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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