3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize