Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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