Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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