Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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