Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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