Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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