the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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