Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize