Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize