We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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