'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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