Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize