remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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