A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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