I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize