can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He did a backflip because drugs
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