I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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