I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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