I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
even my farts smell like vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
its liver damage thursday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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