why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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